JAWS THE RAP
A few months after starting The Daily Jaws, I was invited to a live comedy re-enactment of JAWS. Hosted by Comedians Cinema Club and performed by a band of game and talented London-based comedians.
As well as the hilarious performance of pretty much the entire movie, there was a panel Q&A that I was lucky enough to be a part of where I pitted my knowledge against another comedian and die-hard Jaws fan Matthew Highton (one of the other comedians quite rightly calling it a ‘nerd-off’).
The Comedians Cinema Club: Amy Howerska, Simon Feilder, Matthew Highton, Joz Norris, Will Seward, Dan Schreiber, Eric Lampaert (kneeling)
The true highlight was Jaws The Rap. This wasn’t about dropping chum markers, this a was true mic-drop moment for comedy genius Simon Fielder who wrote and performed as his alter-ego JAWS-Z, a retelling of Jaws in the form of rap song. Lyrics including: “Quint's mutton chops must've blurred your view; Cuz he ain't killed nothin since world war two.”
Matthew Highton, Amy Howerska, Ross Williams (The Daily Jaws) and Dan Schreiber watch the historic one-time live performance of the Jaws Rap by Simon Fielder.
Even though the Jaws Rap was only performed live once, the writer and performer Simon Fielder did record and upload a version to YouTube, complete with lyrics for us all to sing along too - see below!
Words by Ross Williams
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Lyrics (by Simon Fielder):
My name is Jaw-Z from the world famous $hark$ crew
About to take this soundtrack to the next level on some 2015 shit so listen
I'm a motherfuckin shark yo
The calamity of Amity
Battle Me / That'll see you becoming a casualty
Yup, I'm the great white one
Unstoppable gobbler of bait like chum
These orcas are nothing / Compare them to me
Even Chief Brody is scared of the sea
now I dare you to pee cuz it's not classy
I'll leave you legless with my shot glass teeth
Here's to swimmin with bow-legged women
Stringin me up nettin you ten grand of winnings
Quint's mutton chops must've blurred your view
Cuz he ain't killed nothin since world war two
I eat lilos and naked bitches
While this doofus Dreyfuss is taking pictures
Got a gut full of license plates
And I'm still a little peckish so I'll bite your cage
You're gonna need / You're gonna need
A BIGGER BOAT
You're gonna need / You're gonna need
A BIGGER BOAT
You're gonna need / You're gonna need
A BIGGER BOAT
Tie me to a barrel and I still won't float
Oh you thought I was done? No I come back like Revenge, on some technical shit.
I'm a glide-or-die rider
Whose eyesight will surprise you
Cuz it's five times nicer than yours
And my jaw's tighter
Forty thousand pounds of pressure in here
So tremble in fear
And check it while i'm wrecking your pier
One drop of blood in the water
Oughta cause mild panic
Don't think I won't sink your boat like Titanic
Leave you clutching wood like a horny teenager
Galeophobics know with this homie the fear's major
Skinny dippers
I'll eat that shit
Kid on a lilo
I'll eat that shit
The front half of your boat
I'll eat that shit
Ooooh an oxygen tank
OH SHIT
You're gonna need / You're gonna need
A BIGGER BOAT
You're gonna need / You're gonna need
A BIGGER BOAT
You're gonna need / You're gonna need
A BIGGER BOAT
I'll be back for the sequel to keep the franchise afloat