Fin-tasy football league: The Amity Island 11

It may be the World Cup but we at The Daily Jaws Towers are too busy celebrating the 40th anniversary of Jaws 2, 35th of Jaws 3D and 43rd birthday of the original Jaws to get involved in all of that. Football, my ass! (Or soccer if you are from the states). We realise that footy and the World Cup is a big deal for lots of people - y’know a bit like Jaws is for us - so wanted in on some of that football action.


We are just less three lions and more three yellow barrels. So, football fans or not, we thought it would be fun to put our own squad together, an Amity Island 11. The only rules are that you have to stick to are that it needs to be the 4: 4: 2 formation (we had to look it up if we are honest), pick a manager and all the players and manager need to be characters from the four Jaws films - living or dead. Here’s our 11, we’d love to see yours. We’ve put reasons for ours, but you don’t need to go to such lengths (you aren’t trying to fill a blog post after all). Manager: Mayor Larry Vaughn He has the hair and the jackets if your classic football team manager and is great at looking pensive. He’d also be great at all those post-match media sound bites post-match - win or lose. “We supposedly lost our game of football today.”


Quint – Goal keeper, good at catching things and looks good in a pair of gloves.


Hooper – Forward. Small but his little legs carry him fast; did you see him get out that cage?


Hoagie - Forward. Looks very similar to Michael Caine who starred alongside Pele and Bobby Moore in Escape To Victory. Has said he won’t shoot until he sees the goalies white of his eye.


Phillip Fitzroyce – Forward. Don’t let that pretty boy face and posh English accent fool you. Plays as dirty as they come, goal focussed. Good at setting up for a big finish - see end of Jaws 3D for details.


Mrs Kintner – Forward. Chief Brody still calls her ‘the hand of God’ after that Amity dockside scene. Great player for 90 minutes but if there is ten minutes extra time she goes to pieces, just like here son, Alex.


Chief Brody - Team captain (naturally). Midfield - Forward his ass!


Pippet – Midfield. Good at dribbling – especially when excited.


Estuary victim – Midfield. Strong arms for throw ins, although not much use for free kicks post the incident in the pond.


Donna Wilkes – Midfield. Want some waterworks for that classic Gazza moment? Our Donna will happily fit the bill.


Mrs Taft – Defender. No one gets anything past her, and if they do she won’t think it’s funny, she won’t think it funny at all.


Ben Gardner – Defender. Good at heading away the ball and sneaking up on players.


“They think it’s all over, it is now!”

By Dean Newman 

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